Extend Grace

Hello friends,

In my FRIEND framework, the E stands for Extend Grace.

Not because standards don’t matter.

Not because mistakes don’t have consequences.

But because people matter—and we almost never see the full weight of what someone is carrying when they fall short.

Let me tell you why this matters so deeply to me.

Nearly a decade ago, I walked into a small campus coffee shop and ordered a drink. Behind the counter was a student I’ll call Katy. It was her very first day on the job. She was juggling college coursework, trying to make ends meet as a barista, and caring for a young child on the autism spectrum. That morning, she had just received a call that her son needed to be sent home early.

Stress was already overflowing.

In the midst of it all, Katy accidentally handed me a drink without the espresso. When I noticed and gently mentioned it, her face flushed. She apologized repeatedly and began explaining everything she was navigating. You could feel the weight of shame creeping in—the quiet fear of having failed before she’d even begun.

I told her it was completely okay.

And then I asked if I could give her a hug.

That was it. A small moment. Or so I thought.

Ten years later, I walked into a training room to facilitate a session with a state organization. As I scanned the room, a woman looked at me and smiled.

“Parfait,” she said, “you probably don’t remember me—but I remember you.”

It was Katy.

She reminded me of that day. Of the coffee. Of the mistake. Of the hug. She shared how her son is now thriving, and how she now works in a leadership role within state government. And then she said something I will never forget:

“That was exactly what I needed that day.”

Friends, extending grace disrupts shame.

It interrupts the harsh inner scripts that tell people they are disposable, incompetent, or unworthy of belonging.

To belong is to matter.

And to matter is most powerfully felt when grace shows up unexpectedly.

A gentle practice for this week:

• When your Starbucks order is wrong, extend grace.

• When someone blocks traffic after taking the wrong turn, extend grace.

• When a server forgets an item or gets your order wrong, extend grace.

You never know what someone is carrying into that moment.

May we be people who choose befriending over blame— and grace over the iron fist.